Coping with divorce? Worried about the effects of your divorce on your child? Looking for divorce support? Filled with questions about how to deal with your divorce? We invite you to set aside your disbelief for a few minutes and explore what it could mean to . . .
Divorce in Love
"Are you ready to break the chains that keep you from knowing the full glory of a love-filled life? Staying in Love When the Marriage is Over will give you the tools to a remarkable new relationship, and an incredible new life."
Marci Shimoff, co-author, Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul®
Divorce in love - sounds like a contradiction in terms, doesn't it? Most people think about just "coping with divorce" much less discovering love in the midst of it. Yet, particularly if we have children, what are the effects of divorce on the child when their parents are immersed in a major war with each other?
If we want to live in a peaceful world, we can begin by creating peace in our personal world. If we cannot see the reason to return to a loving place for our own sakes, then we can at least do it for our children and our world. Isn't it worth taking the time and making the commitment to discover how to open again?
But it seems impossible, you say.
The Secret
The key, the secret, we've discovered is to notice: "Are you expanded or are you contracted?" and then hold the desire to return to expansion when we contract.
Divorce is the expression of severe contraction. In fact, it is the accumulation of more and more contaction, often over a long period.
Chris and Janet were once married and we know what it feels like to be so completely contracted it doesn't seem possible to ever open to that other person again. Yet it is possible. And all it requires is a commitment to grow.
What does growth really mean?
When we experience something painful, especially if it's emotionally painful, most of us want to avoid experiencing that thing again. "Get that person out of my life." "I never want to experience that again."
Unfortunately, it never works that way. We may get the person out of our life, but we can't get the hurt out of our life until we heal it. It will just come again with someone else at another time. And it gets worse rather than better the next time around.
We live in a universe that is structured for our growth. When we need to learn, we will at first get a gentle nudge. If we don't pay attention, then we'll get a stronger push If we still don't notice, then we'll get slapped, and if we continue on the same way, then we'll get knocked flat.
Growing is uncomfortable. Most of us will stay within what is comfortable until we're forced out of this comfort zone. And yet if we want to live a happy, fulfilled, exciting life, then a willingness to embace the uncomfortable is a prerequisite.
It Depends On No One But Us
The hurt, the unhappiness, the frustration, the disappointment, the anguish, the shattered dreams of divorce are about as uncomfortable as it gets. To step back into love requires we recognize these feelings have not been caused by our partner. Our partner is just the reflector of our own judgments, beliefs, and concepts that are in conflict with reality.
When we realize this, we make the most wonderful discovery of all. Our ability to love, our ability to be happy, our ability to grow, does not depend on anyone except us. Even if our partner doesn't want any part of the idea of divorcing in love, we can still come from that place, without sacrificing our own welfare or that of our children.
To Get Support
We encourage you to download a free copy of Nine Secrets to Staying in Love - All of the Time. This article will give you some of the key insights we've gained as we have returned to love in our relationship, even as the nature of that relationship has changed.
And remember, the first and most important step for returning to joy and love in your life is to ask internally for help in doing that. The perfect, most useful tools will be brought to you when you are open to receive them.
